Tuesday, June 1, 2010

June, 2010 -- Overcoming the fear of loss of control

Though you search for your enemies, you will not find them.
Those who wage war against you will be as nothing at all.
For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.
Isaiah 41:12-13

I know we’re supposed to get wiser as we get older, and surely we do, but it’s a real kick in the gut to think you’re doing so well, being so wise, “taking control and in control” when life blows your work apart like a tornado and tears your scaffolding loose from the worksite and you think you might just die, right there with it.

We fight that experience and fear it with all we have – the great fear of loss of control. We fear it in our relationships, our jobs, our family life, just about everywhere, and we work hard to keep any threat to our progress at bay, strapping on the toolbelt extra tight and watching with the vigilance of a mother hen. Because we’re scared. Because we don’t trust God to be even more vigilant than we are. Because we think we’re in control in the first place.

Sure, we can control some things, and let’s not confuse control with responsibility – much in our lives needs our hand on it as we do our jobs, but our lives are not ours to control – that’s God’s job. And we can trust Him with it.

We might think God expects more of us, that giving up a death grip of control isn’t something He wants us to do, but giving all we are and all we see and all we do to Him seems to be a priority for Him. And I hope that together we can learn how to model our surrender to God for others and let them see our trust and calm and choice to continue to build where we are, even when circumstances aren’t what we like or can change at the moment.

The illusion of control is intoxicating, making us feel like we have everything buttoned up well and – because it’s a control we feel we achieve on our own – the thought of losing it is paralyzing. I should know because I’m the ultimate control freak, but when control of about everything except my breathing was wrenched from me in one breath, I had a lot of choices to make.

I had to know if I could practice what I’d preached to others. Sure, I’d been through stuff before – who hasn’t? – but the God-awful experience I’ve not escaped from yet has been the hardest test of all, the blueprint only God and I will figure out together.

I warned everyone about my struggles and God’s ironic timing with this book and tour, and while I can’t say any of the past year of my life has been easy, it’s taught me to relinquish this fear – and my illusion of control – forever, and that’s ok – because I know God’s promises remain. God’s words to Haggai [and the whole point of the book and what I hope you take away from this tour]: TRUST ME are all I really need to know.

When I don’t know anything, and believe me, in the darkest days of my current horror, I could barely put two words together, but when I could, those words were the ones echoing in my throbbing head, finding their way through the tears and pain: TRUST ME, He said. And so I have learned. I have faced this fear and lived through what I thought I couldn’t. I don’t have all the answers, but I’m still here, still building with everything I’ve got because He’s still here with me. There, that’s what I want you to know. That’s what I want you to do.

--when has your fear of loss of control overpowered you and kept you from living the kind of life you wanted?
--does [or has] your fear of loss of control kept you from trusting God the way you know He wants you to?
--what have you learned when you’ve had to face this fear because some situation ripped away your control?
--how would you live your life differently if you trusted God to control everything?

o ~ o ~o

Please visit June's Partner Blogger: Kristen at Hands, House, and Heart Full and join her as well as we explore this topic.

Read below or download the study of Joseph for yourself or your group.

Thanks for being part of our tour . . . please post your comments and stories for all our readers. See you soon! God bless you.


  1. Wowzers! Every time I come to this blog it is EXACTLY what I need at the moment!

    I have been walking through a brutally tough time for the past month in terms of dealing with a situation that needed to change but it was completely out of my control. It has been a crazy chaotic journey and I have seen much more clearly how much I DON'T trust God (and I always thought that I DID!!!!) I saw how my reaction was to try to take control over OTHER things to the point of bullying my poor husband and needlessly bossing my kids around Just Because. Now, finally, we have come to the conclusion of this very stressful time, but primarily I have walked away from it realizing that I have a lot to work on. It is true that the loss of control, or even the perceived loss of control, is a terrifying thing and unfortunately it did not bring out the best in me And God was whispering in my ear the whole time, "Trust Me. You are safe. You will be ok. Just trust Me." Now that it is over, I'm thinking, "Of course, Lord... How could I ever have doubted You?"

  2. hey Stephanie ~~ thanks for stopping by, and I know that feeling well, too -- that "why did I not lean on my faithful God and trust Him like He asks???" I'm glad for you that this latest trial is over -- still struggling a bit in my situation but learning more trust -- and PEACE -- than ever before. God is so patient with us, and like He promises -- He is with us and we have nothing to fear!!! God bless you :)

  3. Karon,

    Praying for you as you face this "dark" time, but oh, so thankful that you have peace in the midst of the storm.

    Apologizing over and over for ever thinking that April would be the best month for me to jump in and be part of your book tour.........

    To be honest, God has filled my life to overflowing with so many different things (some good some not-so-good)in the past year and a half since losing Nick.

    I am thankful, but I also feel horrible when things as important as this seem to slip through my fingers. Writing about your book right this minute!

    Love you,
    Tammy :)

    Praying for you now, too!!! Hugs from Kentucky!

  4. God bless you and thanks for your prayers, Tammy ~~ life is hard and cruel sometimes but God is good all the time and never, EVER leaves us alone in our pain and fear. Thanks again for being here, sending prayers your way too!

    btw, I'm doing an interview about the book in a few minutes -- it'll be online and I'll post the link as soon as I get it :)

    Much love to you, my sweet Tammy!